Throughout my time, I have found that both in the real world and online, a lot of people claim the title or term “poly”. This is a very healthy and honest thing to claim, however the troubles begin when people begin to confuse polysexual and polyamorous.
So what exactly are the differences?
Polysexual
Polysexual is defined as having multiple sexual relationships without the attachment of love. The most basic analogy I can give to this are “swingers”, who involve themselves in sexual activities with multiple partners. It is the best way for which I can describe Polysexual.
Polyamorous
Polyamorous relationships are highly varied and individualized. They are built upon the values of communication, trust, loyalty, negotiation, and compassion (compersion). There is transparency involved. These people are emotionally involved with each other and sometimes even consider themselves a family.
So am I Polysexual or am I Polyamorous?
I have seen various forms of “poly” based relationships. I think it just comes down to being honest with yourselves and your partners. If you wish to get emotionally involved with your partners or not. I have seen houses and poly “communities” which have been formed. There are several on second life which simply are poly sexual. The submissives/slaves serve the Dominants but there just aren’t any emotional ties involved. There might be a general kinship or friendship involved, but “love” just isn’t in the picture. I, the typist, happen to believe to several Poly Communities which I would simply place under the term “Polysexual”.
Going back to being honest, this is where I feel things can either make or break a relationship apart. I have seen a lot of guys who enter a “Monogamos” which we all know is a one on one relationship and the man suddenly has a urge to bring in a second partner. I have seen some guys who think that their submissive/slave should have no say in the situation and they end up fighting with each other over concepts of jealousy and other insecurities which begin to arise. Submissive A as we will call her begins to feel feelings that they aren’t enough for the Dominant, or the dominant has grown tired of him/her. Can you change someone who has a monogamous mindset? Perhaps overtime, but I don’t think this is something for which should be forced upon someone. This goes back to the concept of honesty. When you establish the relationship, you should have a really firm understanding of what your looking for.
How do we introduce a second partner into our relationship?
Again, this all depends on the people involved. The most healthiest way which this typist has found is to upfront and honesty. Introduce the two together and see how they both react. Do they both get along with each other? I would not expect two girls to love each other, but there must be some basic balance of friendship and the ability to get along without each of them trying to get at each other. Communication is important to see if both are comfortable and overtime if there is, then the next steps can be taken. Everyone in the relationship should feel healthy and comfortable with each other for a “Polyamorous” relationship to exist and thrive.
Compersion
We have used this term a few times in this discussion.
Compersion is a state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individuals current or former romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest. This can be experienced as any form of erotic or emotional empathy, depending on the person experiencing the emotion.
When a submissive/slave sees that their dominant is experiencing joy or happiness through another, it makes them happy. The relationship is not a “competition” to see who can get more attention with the dominant. You can’t order, command or demand compersion. Some would say it is either there or it is not there.
Overall, it is the Dominant’s responsibility to make each person involved in the relationship feel secure, valued, loved, respected and cherished. Once this is established, and your partners understand and have compersion, then there should be no issues. You won’t have to face issues such as jealousy or insecurities, because things will be balanced. That is the key to making a Polyamorous relationship work.