“Re-energizing the relationship”
No matter where you are as a couple in your journey into dominance and submission, there may be times in your relationship where either the dominant can struggle with being dominant, the submissive can struggle with submission or both. So many things can happen that cause these ‘disconnects’ in the relationship. Stress, illnesses, or just a hectic life full of distractions. Couples can fall out of sync with each other, things can become routine or mundane over periods of time. Sometimes a relationship can feel more like friends than anything else.
At the beginning of the relationship everything is fresh and vibrant as you get to know each other and are beginning to explore the exciting world of D/s. Over time relationships evolve, people mature, their preferences can change. Does this mean the end to your relationship? Can things go back to the way they were with those moments where your heart is pounding in your chest, and you feel like you’re on cloud nine? Absolutely!
The following are things which can really help for a couple to “re-energize” their relationships, both the emotional, mental, and even physical elements.
“Patience”
The first thing is to have ‘patience’ with one another. If there are things going on within your lives that are interfering with his dominance or with her submission for a period of time, this doesn’t mean that that part of you is gone for good. Sometimes couples need to take a step back and re-evaluate the situation. Getting frustrated with each other can result with the void growing even further. Taking a deep breath and evaluating what is going on in that moment of time is key.
Nothing ever stays the same. Things change, situations change. It simply might not be the right time at that time to have that deep vibrant heart pounding relationship you had before. Being patient and waiting for the right time to begin that re-energizing of your relationship, or that reconnect is the very first step.
We feel it is also important to note, this isn’t the time to begin beating yourself up or thinking you are a failure, or your partner is a failure. It’s about trying to support each other as best as you can while the world around you spins in a whirlwind. Things will level out and stabilize allowing for a solid ground for both of you to regain your footing, allowing you and your partner to regain the mindsets of Dominant and submissive.
“Communicate, Communicate, Communicate”
Communication is key to success with any type of relationship regardless of if things are going well or if you are struggling. Sitting down and taking a moment to communicate honestly with each other about how things are, what can be improved and what might need to change is important.
Are there critical life changes either of you are facing that might need to bring about some form of adjustment? Perhaps it’s time to try new things? Feelings and emotions can have significant impact on both the dominant and the submissive. Sometimes we just need to take the time to understand each other’s head-space, our emotions and current priorities for better understanding so we can begin to move back into the right direction.
Also, asking each other about fantasies or things which make each other go “yum” sometimes can lead to new ideas to try new things.
“Each Side of the Equation Has Responsibilities”
As a dominant, there came a period of time that I had fallen out of sync with my dominance and wasn’t consciously being active and aware of myself as a dominant. Submissives need interaction and we as dominants need to be able to step forward and lead. Sometimes we can lose sight of that and not even be aware that we have. We can get into a mindset where we just ‘expect’ our submissives to submit.
Being open and communicating is important for both sides. Not just talking, but also listening to one another. Listening can be at times much harder to do, especially for dominants. We need to learn sometimes to just shut up and really listen to what our submissives are telling us.
“Starting slow and allowing things to rebuild”
Going from one extreme to the other can be detrimental for a relationship. Having unrealistic expectations of change can lead both the dominant and the submissive to failure. Being understanding with each other and taking things slow is helpful to allow things to build over time. It’s important to also note consistency is important to a submissive. Maintaining consistency for a submissive allows them to feel safe, protected, and confident in their submission. Suddenly throwing a whole bunch of rules out there or trying to do too much at once can end up leading to confusion and a difficult situation to deteriorate even further.
“Make small changes and start slowly adding things”
- Having her dress a certain way, or even being naked when you two are alone.
- Engaging in small scenes together, even something as intimate as just pulling her across your lap and giving her a hand spanking can help to get the juices flowing between each other.
- Requiring her to kneel.
- Placing a leash and holding that leash while you two sit together and are relaxing together.
Using your imagination and through communication you can explore some of your own ideas and begin to incorporate change. Each relationship is unique. Start with baby steps and from there we can strive to remain mindful of consistency, and keep the momentum in our relationships moving forward. These small interactions also can make a positive impact on a submissive’s mind-set. They can help to re-enforce her submission and to adjust her focus to reconnect with that side of her heart that aches to serve.
These elements can also increase the intimacy between the dominant and submissive, possibly re-energizing the erotic energy between each other. Allowing the relationship to grow from there, allowing the flow to continue naturally and not trying to force things is critical. With patience and support all the many facets of what makes your relationship uniquely YOU will begin to fall into place.
These are ways which “us”, as a couple were able to re-energize our relationship and get back on track. We wanted to share some of what helped us to reconnect in hopes it might help you as well.
With Love,
Sassy and Jon