Rituals

” Introduction to Rituals”

The next section pertains to “rituals” which allows the Dominant to draw some form of even more structure to the relationship at hand. These are things which are done on a daily basis, each day, a sort of schedule if you would say. It is good to give the slave some form of rituals for their everyday lives. This lays out a even firmer ground of control between you and the slave. The enforcement and incorporation of “ritualistic” behavior also increases the slave’s awareness of the difference between you and the slave. it reminds the slave of the importance of your needs and desires, helping to slave to place behind, their own needs and wants, to serve you.

Rituals do not often have to be just before you, and can be preset to happen outside of your presence, which in the end increases your level of authority over the slave’s daily life. You must take into consideration that “rituals” are not meant to be random or useless set of behaviors. The rituals should either be practical or deal with specific behaviors which will increase the slave’s ability to serve and be pleasing to you. Slaves whom thrive on your attention and are given rituals, will proceed to be happier, and understand that you control their lives, that even outside of their presence, your firm hand is still upon them.

Rituals and repeated behaviors also teach self discipline to a slave. It allows and teaches the slave to be responsive to your needs at all times. The aspects of training take time for both you and the slave. You must encourage the slave to strive to be better in what you have given him/her, and that he/she will move onto the next step, once the previous steps have been mastered. The following are some brief steps on setting up rituals for your slave.

“Basic Steps in setting up Rituals”

The first thing with setting up rituals is to take a look at yourself, and understand what you need. Rituals should not be confused with Rules. a Rule is something like a slave must receive permission to cum each time, before they orgasm, a ritual is the question which the slave posses each time the slave wishes to orgasm.

The second thing which you should consider is that rituals should go against normality. They should not be things which the slave will do by instinct, but things which go against the slave’s instincts. Rituals which a slave actually has to think about, are the best form. This will increase the slave’s thought patterns and the way the slave thinks, focusing his/her thoughts upon you. Over time the rituals will become normal to the slave, and become part of the slave’s habit.

The third consideration to take in, is just like rules, do not load the slave up on rituals. You should always start out slow, allowing the slave to work into the habits which you require of him or her. If you overload the slave with rituals, it will just set them up to fall, and thus damage the relationship. Choose one or two specific rituals and allow the slave time to get used to them, then add more as time goes on. This allows the slave to better adjust to your requirements.

“Examples of Basic Rituals”

Greeting & presentation:

When the Master enters a room

1. The slave should be taught to kneel at attention every time her Master enters the room. If she is working or relaxing, all activity ceases to perform this act. During her initial training, she should expect to hold the position until she is given leave to resume her activities. When you are confident in the slave’s training, you may be able to allow her to kneel and then continue on her own. (Some Master’s prefer a curtsy; if you choose a curtsy, the slave should learn how to perform one with some semblance of grace.) It would behoove you to relax this rule under certain conditions; for example, when your slave is sitting on the toilet – unless you are prepared to deal with the potential outcome, or unless the slave is in great need of a humiliating experience. Kneeling in the bath or shower, though, seems perfectly acceptable, as long as the tub isn’t too slippery.
2. If the slave notices her Master intends to remain in the room, she should offer Him her services. (i.e. “Can this slave be of assistance to You, Sir?”)
3. If the answer is “Yes,” the slave should put aside anything she is working on to fulfill her duty to serve. NO activity is more important than serving her Master’s immediate needs. (This includes finishing a shower or a meal) If the answer is “No,” and the slave is given leave to attend to her activities, she should perform them as she normally would, even if her Master is a constant presence.

When the slave enters a room her Master is occupying:

1. A slave should always knock before entering the room, (unless, of course, she is already in service and must leave to get something, etc.) This is true of rooms with or without doors. A slave’s presence should be announced, and she should not assume she is welcome everywhere at all times.
2. The slave should not speak until she is acknowledged, and should not knock more than once unless she is fairly certain her Master did not hear.
3. When acknowledged, the slave should apologize for the interruption and announce her intentions.
4. If she is not acknowledged, she should not enter the room. (Once again, the Master’s immediate need for privacy overrides any desire or duty the slave may have, and foregoing it can be explained to the Master at a later time if necessary.)

When leaving a room her Master is occupying:

1. The slave should announce her intentions to leave by asking permission to do so. (This rule can be relaxed when the slave must be in and out of a room frequently, but it should be you that suggests relaxing the rule, not the slave.) Depending on the circumstances, you may have a formal pose the slave must assume to ask this of you, or a method by which she gets your attention and is allowed to speak. Determine how you want to handle this before it happens, and impart that information to the slave.
2. If the slave is leaving to attend any personal duties (other than using the bathroom or getting a drink of water, etc.), she should first determine that you approve of her activity. (i.e. “May this slave go online, Sir?”) She should further determine that you have no immediate need for her, and that before she abandons her post, you have everything you will need during her absence.
3. It seems appropriate to note here that it is OK to say “No,” to a slave’s request, even if it is just your whim to do so. The slave must understand that her rights are quite limited. If you prefer that she stand in the corner all evening, or scrub the floors with a toothbrush, she must learn to have no qualms about your decisions. This will be difficult for her. Many slaves seem to feel that good behavior on their part deserves reward. That is not the case. The slave should learn to expect nothing, under any circumstances. This is not to say you shouldn’t reward her, and even reward her frequently. You do not wish her to become dull, lifeless, resentful and uninteresting. However, acquiescing to her every request allows her to make the assumption that all she has to do is voice her desire, and it will be granted. Saying “No,” once in awhile is as important as saying “Yes.” Pouting, whining, complaining or balking when she is told “No,” should result in immediate and appropriate discipline.

 

While every Master has His own preferences in personal care, the essentials of cleanliness are universal, and can be part of a maintenance plan that is not overly taxing or time-consuming for you or too difficult for the slave to accomplish effectively. Fortunately, most people are familiar with bathing, but bathroom instruction is not dependent upon the actual “cleanliness” of your slave. Instructing her in matters of hygiene is a method of exercising your control, even in the most personal areas. slaves usually enjoy the attention, even if it is embarrassing for them initially. More, they enjoy being provided with structure, and the care you place on detail.

The rule of thumb for most slaves is that they are to be clean, inside and out at all times; always in a pleasant condition whether they are needed for sex or for service. This is obviously a somewhat unrealistic “rule,” but nonetheless one that can be enforced. (When it’s not misused or abused, one of the more delightful aspects of a BDSM lifestyle is the ability to suspend reality and give oneself over to ideals and fantasies of perfection. )

Cleanliness Rituals

Get your slave used to the idea that she will not necessarily be afforded privacy in the bath. The slave needs to feel that she is not allowed to ‘hide’ any procedure from her Master.

• Watch your slave at her bath a time or two. Offer her suggestions or advice if you have it. If not, make something up; the order in which she cleans her body, bending over to clean between her legs, etc. Don’t make it terribly complex, but tell her she should follow the procedure each time she bathes, whether you are with her or not. This obviously makes no difference in the state of her cleanliness. Instead, it places you with her every time she steps into the bath or shower.
• If you have time, choose the soaps, shampoos and lotions the slave will use (unless the slave must use special products in light of skin irritation, etc.) You can do this as you run across a particular item, or all at once at the beginning of her training. In either case, you are once again placing yourself in her most private moments.
• The slave should be informed about your desires for hair removal. (Remember that skin is often delicate- don’t tell her to wax her pubic hair when shaving is adequate, unless this is already her habit.) For a slave with normal skin, shaving can, and should be done every day. The more often shaving takes place, the less irritating it becomes.
• Douching: Most of us know that the vagina is “self-cleaning,” but occasional douching is hardly a dangerous practice. Instruct the slave to use only warm water or a vinegar and water douche if you require it, and make it clear to her that she should not overdo it. (Daily douching often rinses away the natural ability to fight infection, etc.) The slave should be sent to the drugstore for a combination douche/enema bag, shown how to use it if she doesn’t know, and watched a few times as well. (The watching is not necessary – just another method of enforcement). Your slave may be embarrassed to have you there with her. She’ll get over it.
• Enemas: This, of course, is your call. If you are a proponent of anal sex, enemas can increase your enjoyment of the act. They also serve as a wonderful method of slave humiliation, whether sex will be required of her or not. But, don’t be stupid! Do your research before insisting on any kind of enema. The practice of adding unnecessary ingredients (like wine) to enemas is simply irresponsible, as well as being extremely dangerous. If you do decide on occasional enemas, your slave may need your help to learn the correct method of operating the bag. Make sure you know the correct method. You may not wish to be a part of this process, but frankly, if you want her to do it, you should be able to bear it as well.
• At some point during the slave’s training (not right away) she should have to release the enema with you in the room. You may find this distasteful, but if it can be accomplished, it is an effective method of invading the slave’s privacy in a most deliberate way. If you should choose to do this, do NOT express discomfort with the process. The slave will be embarrassed enough. She needs you to be impervious. Make an extra effort afterward to reassure her that your feelings for her have not changed, and be aware that overcoming the desire to keep this area of her life private is the mark of a good slave.

 

Dress & Make-up

A slave’s hair, make-up and dress should all be approved of by her Master. If need be, the slave should be given a different routine for times she will be working, with the vanilla public, friends or family.

• A slave should maintain a hairstyle pre-approved by her Master. she should not be allowed to cut, color, or style it in any other way without first seeking His permission. There are few emergencies that would call for an exception to this rule.
• When in private or in scene-friendly spaces, make sure your slave knows your preferences for her make-up routine, if you have any. You may want her to look slutty one day, demure the next. That’s OK, but she should be given a “default” set of make up rules to follow unless she is told otherwise.
• If your slave works outside the home or spends a good deal of time away from home, she should be given specific instructions for make-up in those situations, so that she can conform to the rules of society without breaking yours.
• When in your presence, the slave should always do her best to be made-up to your specifications. A slave who is used to going out in public without being at least partially made-up should change her habits (unless your orders call for no make-up.) Remind her (and yourself) that she is a reflection of your desires.
• In matters of dress, the slave should defer to your tastes in fashion for her.
• Be realistic. Working outside the home may require a certain form of dress. While you cannot dictate that, you may dictate within it. For example, some Masters prefer their slaves to wear high collars, long sleeves, long skirts and flat shoes outside their presence so as not to present an image that invites undue attention. This is perfectly acceptable in work situations. If, however, you prefer your slave to look “slutty,” you will have to relax your standards. It’s unlikely she will keep her job if you insist on 5 inch spiked heels.
• If your slave has a collar she is expected to wear, provide her with a “substitute” collar to be worn outside. (My slave has a “choker” type necklace that resembles a chain. she is required to wear it as a symbolic collar at all times. )

The amount of control you wish to exert over the slave’s bodily functions can only be determined by your interest in such matters. I’ve heard of long-distance relationships in which the slave must call the Master to ask permission to use the bathroom. Personally, I can only see this working as a short-term training procedure or a possible punishment. Otherwise, it is costly and time-consuming, but nonetheless, the choice of the individual Master. If you begin something like this, you will have to be able to answer each request without annoyance or frustration, even if it comes on the half hour. Still, exhibiting control over these areas is much like rules regarding bathing and internal cleansing – the slave is forced to accept your authority in every aspect of her life.

• A less ambitious approach to bladder or bowel control could be the institution of a short-term (1 or 2 day) requirement of permission, but it is unlikely that a long-term lesson could be learned unless permission was frequently denied, or unless you were to be present every time permission was granted. This would more likely fall under the heading of a disciplinary procedure, not a ritual.

Misc. Rituals

• The slave should learn the appropriate times and methods of thanking her Master (i.e. after order are given, after orgasm, after punishment.) It is important to the slave to be able to express gratitude, and you should provide her that opportunity.
• The slave should be allowed to thank her Master after receiving a punishment. It is often important to the slave to acknowledge her gratitude for receiving a lesson, and it is a good habit to begin – especially if the slave will be given to others for play, where a “thank-you” is essential.
• The slave should also be allowed the opportunity to apologize for her mistake. It is highly appropriate to expect such an apology. (Crying out “I’m sorry Master,” during a paddling doesn’t count.) The apology should be offered after the punishment is complete. It allows the slave closure to the situation.
• You may wish your slave to thank you each time she is given an order (i.e. “You may go do the dishes,” “Thank You, Sir.”) If so, the slave’s response should be no longer than those three words. Anything more is wasted blathering.
• The ritual use of titles in the relationship
• The rituals of asking permission to orgasm