Responsibilities of a Dominant within the D/s Lifestyle should not be taken lightly. Failing to fulfill these responsibilities can not only jeopardize the relationship, but can actually result in physical or emotional harm to the submissive.
Responsibility to yourself
When looking at responsibilities, the first and foremost person for which you should be responsible for is yourself.
One of the biggest cardinal rules in this lifestyle is “Master the Master”. If you are unable to control yourself, you will not be able to control another. This is one of the biggest lessons we as Dominants need to learn. We must always be in control and if we are not due to some issues going about, we need to do what we need to do to get ourselves back into control from deep breaths to stepping away for a moment to contain ourselves. We should never act out in anger.
Honesty
You need to be honest and upfront with yourself, this includes accepting your own personal limits and what you can and cannot do. We as dominants are human and thus we are prone to making mistakes. Mistakes happens, it is how we learn from the mistakes which matters. I remember it was said in a movie “Hellboy” at the very end which in truth is a very true statement.
“What makes a man a man? A friend of mine once wondered. Is it his origins? The way he comes to life? I don’t think so. It’s the choices he makes. Not how he starts things, but how he decides to end them.”
We need to accept the fact that we are not always going to have the right answers and sometimes we may not entirely make the right choices either. This comes to the simple fact of human nature and that we are human. We have choices to make. Making excuses for something for which has happened will only look poorly on you. On up to it, learn from it and move on and continue to grow. Mistakes are about growing and learning. Nobody is perfect.
We also need to understand that being Human also means that we too have emotions. There are going to be times in our lives for which we might be vulnerable or we might be emotional over something. Our submissives are apart of our lives, and we should not feel guilty or ashamed to share this with them and sometimes look for them for support, to listen to us, to be there to comfort us when we need it. This doesn’t make us any less a Dominant, it simply makes us more Human. We are not emotionless robots who feel nothing.
Trust
Trust is something for which is earned, it is not something for which we can take for granted. Once we have earned and gained that trust, it is then our responsibility now to abuse that trust. Once you loose trust, it is almost impossible if not very difficult to gain it back. Our submissives/slaves thrive on trust. They trust us with their mind and their bodies. This is an important “gift” and something for which should “NEVER” be abused or taken for granted.
Respect
A dominant should never demand respect. They should not demand someone to call them a specific title. That is something for which is earned over time through actions and through interactions. Demanding someone to call you a specific title makes that title meaningless. When you are with others in the lifestyles especially when you are around collared submissives or slaves, remember that you are their EQUAL. They are not inferior to you and you have no right to talk down to them or disrespect them. You should always respect and treat others as you would want them to treat you. This is how you go about to earn respect.
Honorable
One of the biggest mistakes for which Dominants make is not following through with what you say your going to do. This includes concepts of discipline. If you do not follow through and do what you say, then your submissive is going to loose trust in you and loose respect in you. Keeping your word and your promises is one of the most important things for which dominants need to do. Honor is also about how we act before others. We should always be honorable to other dominants and other submissives always. This reflects back on us as Dominants.
Responsibilities to our submissives and slaves
Giving one’s self over in submission to another is one of the greatest gifts for which a submissive could give you. It is something for which we should cherish as if its the most valuable thing on the face of this earth. We should always hold our submissives up high so that the sun can shine down upon them and allow them to be beautiful and blossom. There are some key responsibilities when it comes to our submissives.
Patience and Understanding
We should never loose patience with our submissives. We should always be understanding that not just are we capable of making mistakes so are they. Handle transgressions with respect and handle them well. Choose proper modes of punishment when they become necessary. Never degrade or abuse a submissive outside of a scene, specially in public. This can cause detrimental damage to their overall self esteem and self image which can lead to serious depression issues.
We should always make sure they understand that they are important. We should always take time to listen to them and be there when they need us. We are their pillar and support. When a submissives feels overwhelmed, insecure and unworthy is the time when we need to step up as Dominants to fulfill and show them that they are special, that they are important and that they mean everything to us.
“I am your Owner only after earning your trust and I embrace your submissiveness.
You have given me total access to your soul and I accept the responsibility with honor.
You are a woman, you are not weak or inferior and I have the strength of body mind and soul to instinctively protect, possess, defend, and provide for you.My desire to dominate you is instinctive. Your belief in me gives me courage and direction. Your strength disperses my doubt. Your needs and desires encourage and give purpose to my efforts.
I dominate you because you have allowed me to and when I see your body kneel before me, in my mind and heart you are raised above all other women and all the treasures of the earth. ” – Mikhail Borgan ( Owner of the Solice of submission Sim)
Five key responsibilities we should have for our submissives and slaves.
1. Help:
It is your responsibility to help your submissive find what is already inside of her, and not try to create it for her. Before turning your attention toward your submissive, you need to be the best Dominant You can possibly be. Bare in mind, this does not mean perfection, but it does not mean whimsical either.
2. Leadership:
Your responsibility is not to take your leadership lightly and not to bail out of things get heavy. It is your responsibility to recognize that everyone is different, and your submissive may not respond like your co-workers, friends, etc. You need to employ creativity rather than formula.
3. Communication:
You know the key to bringing out the best in Your relationship lies in accumulating knowledge, communicating openly, and approaching the situation and Your partner without hatred or animosity. It is your responsibility to guard your submissive’s mental health– to not guess or try to read “between the lines”, but to communicate openly with her.
4. Safety:
It is your responsibility to make sure your submissive is safe. You must be responsible for finding out what your submissive’s true limits are, and staying within the boundaries those limit describe. You have a responsibility to discuss any punishments after its conclusion and to be open to any criticism that may come from your submissive regarding the way things were handled.
5. Rules:
It is your responsibility to involve your submissive in the planning of her rules and their punishments, and to find out as much as possible about her desires and fantasies. To not be arrogant, but to actively seek help from your submissive in discovering those areas in which you can improve. To not be misleading about yourself or your abilities.
6. Punishment:
It is your responsibility to be stern. She may not like the punishment, but she will always respect you for it. You will continue your support and affection, especially while you are punishing her. You must never withhold your support and affection from her as a means of punishment. When you punish your submissive, you must do so for the good of your submissive, not just for the fulfillment of your own desires.